I need you now

It's been a little while.

First post, of the second decade, of the 21st century!

Boi... It's been a rough few weeks for no particularly momentous reason actually.
In hindsight I can see that my walk with God has been slowly declining from the peaks that it reached in the latter part of 2010. The fire slowly burnt out and stagnation set in and whilst in a general, cliched sense, I haven't backslidden, I suppose that I kind of have.

I think I should explain that statement a little better lol.

Cliched or Bait backsliding:

Wild/regular raving, Drunkenness, Sexual sin, Drug taking / Smoking, Crude/Bad/Profane language, Decline in Church attendance and so on.

My conduct of late wouldn't fit into the above, however, I have been more absorbed with the things of the world and my thoughts have become a lot darker and more sinful of late whilst my relationship with God has waned.

It's kinda weird cos I seemed to just find myself in this situation and it took me a while to discern over where I had gone wrong. I now understand that the enemy has been crafty in his latest assault on my life. Life suddenly became hectic with Uni work piling up, issues arose at work with my manager, a tough financial situation in my family began to effect me, someone at church angered me and so on and so forth. No obvious light skinned devils came to tempt me, no sudden urge to hit "naughty but nice" or whatever the latest rave is called lol just a whole lot of life!


So I began to lose focus on God and instead focus on the worldly/material which has ultimately caused me to get to the place I've been in since 30th Dec 2010 to Today (3rd January 2011). I feel like I've spiritually ate a whole bargain bucket of moreleys chicken and chips to myself. It has been quite horrible come to think of it, feeding the flesh and making little to no effort in the spirit. My prayer life has been a mess, when I have read the word I didn't truly pay attention to it, fellowship's dropped off and so on.

Today I kinda reached the end of my tether.

I watched a shed load of One Piece with no self control, and I just generally jammed on my one's doing nothing of any great worth like a bum! There came a point where I just thought, "this can't go on". I had to turn on some gospel music real quick and when Smokie Norful's "I need you now" came on it was like a breath of fresh air. I realised, actually, yeah Lord I do need you now, and I needed you before and I always will need you! So I chucked myself onto my bed and layed face down before the Lord and poured out my heart and my struggles before him and it was great! I felt so relieved. He spoke to me and showed me a some of where I had gone wrong, encouraged me that He knew that I needed Him, He just needed me to know that lol or re-know that (making up words here).

Now I feel MUCH better and my head is in a better place. I was reflecting, a few moments ago, on how, not long ago, I was in a victorious place where I felt no fear of my uncertain future and now, as I enter into it, I've been confused and unsure. The difference? I haven't been walking in the spirit, but feeding the flesh, focused on worldly things and in this state I've been unable to trust God and live in His peace.

Now that I'm on my way back to the Lord I can see with fresh eyes how beautiful this walk with God is and how ugly life can be when idols come in and He is no longer the desire of our hearts.

So, now officially ready for 2011 seeing as I know, once more, the most important thing anyone can ever know. That I need Jesus!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDpY-2M5dVo