Hi.
Yeah it's been ages.
There's a reason, which I'll maybe explain one day.
So it's cold and I just want to leave uni but I've put off blogging too many times, so here it goes. As the blog in my heart is unfinished, I shall post my past month or so's pondering and past 3 month or so's struggle.
Two words. Default Position.
Do you know what I mean by that? I wouldn't lol. (I'm in a funny mood; you can probably tell)
What I mean is: what is the generic, standard, base, core thing upon which you meditate? What do you think of when you first wake up? What do you ponder on before you slip away into the silky embrace of a good night's sleep? What springs to mind when you finish something taxing, like a day at work or a piece of coursework, and return back to the rest of life?
What is the default thing that you mull over?
The thing that dwells at the center of the universe of your meditations?
That, in my humble opinion, is your default position.
Many would also consider it to be the thing that we worship or allow to be highest in our lives.
Could it be our job or lack of? Possibly our future or rather its uncertainty?
What that woman said to you at church that jarred you? Could it be a ghost from the past that never ceases to haunt you? Maybe even your wife/husband or the girl with whom things aren't official but you've got your unsaid thing going on?
Whatever it is, the reality is that our default position should be God and the things of God if we are Christians. This is not to say that we should never consider those Vans in Office, or wonder why snapbacks, fitted jeans/chinos and high top trainers must die a thousand deaths or meditate on our other half (or lack of). It's just that these things should not be our center. "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he" - Bible.
For a long time I've really wrestled with keeping God on the throne. I haven't fallen into sexual sin or any of those obvious sins. I have simply allowed other things/people to subtly take His place. Preferring their presence to His. Spending more time listening to their words and pondering their opinions than listening to Him and His word. I never stopped praying. I didn't stop reading my Bible. I didn't stop going to church. I just didn't put God first and the arena in which He wasn't preeminent happened to be the arena which determined all of the other arenas within my control. My thoughts.
I'm growing much closer to God once more. I'm still susceptible to a change of default position. Even today problems out of my control attempted to usher Jesus from His position but He's back. I suppose you could call it part of abiding? (John 15). Anyway, enough of my mullings.
Let us flee idolatry. God hates it like He hates the bait sin. If we believe the songs that we sing to be true then lets live that eh? I'm preaching to myself lol.
Grace and Peace
Saturday, 3 December 2011
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Love and Controversy
I don't normally write twice in two days but I've been thinking about something a lot over the last few days so it's ended up here.
I think as Christians we can often sheg (flop/fall short/fail) in the area of love and criticism and not even realise. Hear me out.
In the past I once grew deeply upset by another believer who had made it their business to judge some next brothers who hadn't done something which the judgemental believer felt that they should have. They then had a massive judgemental rant about these brothers, whose actions had nothing much to do with them.
I felt that the judgemental/critical believer was being ultra hypocritical as I was very familiar with their shortcomings. I then became intensely angry about it. In the end I began ranting to other people about how hypocritical and judgemental that believer was and became as bad as them. The moment when I realised how I myself had gotten entangled in a bad situation was when I was praying with someone about something totally unrelated and then that person was used by the Lord to deal with the unspoken issues of my critical heart. I was told by the Lord to forgive and instead bless the critical person who I had begun to criticise. Peak init?
But the deep thing is that this is basic Christianity! "Love your neighbour", "Love your enemies", "pray for those who despitefully use/persecute you", "take the plank out of your own eye before the speck in your brothers'", "be careful he who thinks he stands lest he should fall", "patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control" and so on.
I've been in the company of a large number of Christians who see or experience something negative in others, criticise them with people who they feel are sympathisers and yet never pray for the person/people. I myself have often been that guy and almost slipped into this today myself; hence the blog.
I'm seeing so much division, bitterness and criticism and so little prayer and love yet these are the basic tools of someone who is truly saved. That's peak in a lot of ways. All I can say is thank God for His grace!
One example of this that really concerns me is the way that mandem are criticising the way that women are dressing and laying a load of blame on the sisters. There are of course sisters who, in my opinion (and that of my sister), dress innapropriately but so do loads of women these days so we've just gotta deal with it.
Then I'm seeing loads of sisters, who appear to have some serious pent up frustration about this issue, retaliating against these comments, often in an explosive and very public fashion. There is often truth to what is said but I'm just not so sure about the whole thing really. It just doesn't really sit well with me and let me point out that I have never made any comment against the way that Christian women dress in general.
In my opinion there are assumptions made on both sides here and why the heck are there two divided sides in the body of Christ anyway???
I personally think a lot of us are being played by the enemy and in our anger/outrage/defensiveness are making Christians look bad.
Having read some of the aforementioned brand of tweets, I found myself being defensive of the brothers today and feeling that some of the comments I'm seeing are a little bit out of line to be completely honest. Maybe I'm the one making assumptions now? (The lack of tone of voice on the internet is a big issue). My thinking towards some of the sisters was very negative at the time and the Lord simply reminded me of my own message. "But are you praying for them?". BOOM. Shut me right up... even though I wasn't speaking out loud lol.
Can we pray for discernment and not get punk'd by the enemy please?
I think I'm risking my neck a bit here as it seems there's an army of acid tongued women (and probably men too) awaiting me but hey Tasha always told me that I'm a "controversial Christian" and who's got time to live in fear? Not I.
I think as Christians we can often sheg (flop/fall short/fail) in the area of love and criticism and not even realise. Hear me out.
In the past I once grew deeply upset by another believer who had made it their business to judge some next brothers who hadn't done something which the judgemental believer felt that they should have. They then had a massive judgemental rant about these brothers, whose actions had nothing much to do with them.
I felt that the judgemental/critical believer was being ultra hypocritical as I was very familiar with their shortcomings. I then became intensely angry about it. In the end I began ranting to other people about how hypocritical and judgemental that believer was and became as bad as them. The moment when I realised how I myself had gotten entangled in a bad situation was when I was praying with someone about something totally unrelated and then that person was used by the Lord to deal with the unspoken issues of my critical heart. I was told by the Lord to forgive and instead bless the critical person who I had begun to criticise. Peak init?
But the deep thing is that this is basic Christianity! "Love your neighbour", "Love your enemies", "pray for those who despitefully use/persecute you", "take the plank out of your own eye before the speck in your brothers'", "be careful he who thinks he stands lest he should fall", "patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control" and so on.
I've been in the company of a large number of Christians who see or experience something negative in others, criticise them with people who they feel are sympathisers and yet never pray for the person/people. I myself have often been that guy and almost slipped into this today myself; hence the blog.
I'm seeing so much division, bitterness and criticism and so little prayer and love yet these are the basic tools of someone who is truly saved. That's peak in a lot of ways. All I can say is thank God for His grace!
One example of this that really concerns me is the way that mandem are criticising the way that women are dressing and laying a load of blame on the sisters. There are of course sisters who, in my opinion (and that of my sister), dress innapropriately but so do loads of women these days so we've just gotta deal with it.
Then I'm seeing loads of sisters, who appear to have some serious pent up frustration about this issue, retaliating against these comments, often in an explosive and very public fashion. There is often truth to what is said but I'm just not so sure about the whole thing really. It just doesn't really sit well with me and let me point out that I have never made any comment against the way that Christian women dress in general.
In my opinion there are assumptions made on both sides here and why the heck are there two divided sides in the body of Christ anyway???
I personally think a lot of us are being played by the enemy and in our anger/outrage/defensiveness are making Christians look bad.
Having read some of the aforementioned brand of tweets, I found myself being defensive of the brothers today and feeling that some of the comments I'm seeing are a little bit out of line to be completely honest. Maybe I'm the one making assumptions now? (The lack of tone of voice on the internet is a big issue). My thinking towards some of the sisters was very negative at the time and the Lord simply reminded me of my own message. "But are you praying for them?". BOOM. Shut me right up... even though I wasn't speaking out loud lol.
Can we pray for discernment and not get punk'd by the enemy please?
I think I'm risking my neck a bit here as it seems there's an army of acid tongued women (and probably men too) awaiting me but hey Tasha always told me that I'm a "controversial Christian" and who's got time to live in fear? Not I.
Saturday, 2 July 2011
The Savage and the Saint
(I was going to blog about my amazing retreat experience but I'll get into that in the coming days as this is a topic I'm going through right now.)
For a long time I've struggled with a side of myself which I refer to as the "Savage". I say struggled but the word struggle has an element of resistance to it which, I believe, wasn't exhibited.
To put it bluntly, the Savage is my flesh at it's most lustful/sexually charged. It's uprising began when I allowed it to take root in my thoughts at a younger age and it continued as I left it to grow unchecked. The thing is that, over the years, I've been outwardly ruthless and rarely allowed myself into a situation where I could obviously get myself into trouble i.e. a rave or going to link some unsaved girl etc however on some rare occasions there has been a physical manifestation of the inner beast where "friends" were concerned. Let that be a warning to any naive readers.
The thing is, sin in your mind is still sin and still offensive to God and still obstructive to your relationship with Him, your ability to hear from the Holy Spirit and to generally staying in God's will. It also opens doors for the enemy in your life but that's another blog for another time.
Because I left this unseen area unchecked for such a long time it grew into a giant inside me. I developed habits of unconsciously scoping out my surroundings for females of all colours and creeds. I could get on a bus and know the position, rough age and suitability of every girl on the top and bottom deck and this would be casj (simple/easy/normal/casual). It's a bit like being inside a wildlife documentary following a leopard or something (no exaggeration) except some wildebeest are happy and willing to be consumed.
Sometimes, even in fellowship situations, I have to really check my motives and hold my thoughts captive to Christ after all being blase about this is what led to me being in this situation in the first place.
From the end of last year God has been calling me to a place of surrender and He has really done a lot of renovation in my life. This however, is not an area that has been so easily stripped away. In all honesty killing these bad habits and dying daily in this area has been very difficult. Driving in these hot conditions has been tense at times and not because I couldn't wind down the window lol. I'm aware that in my own strength I won't be able to deal with the issue and I am only "more than a conqueror" through Christ. I think I'll have to spend some more deliberate time in fasting so as to beat it. I'm also aware that I'm never going to stop noticing attractive women and that it's never going to be easy being a man of standard in a sinful and provocative world but I know that there is definitely some self slaying to do in this area.
It's just been a big fat hindrance really. I've felt and still feel that I can't pursue any serious, Godly, relationship with a girl because it's something I'm unwilling to bring into a relationship yet something I've, until recently, been unwilling to deal with. I just want to keep my eyes and mind in check for my Lord and saviour before I do it for a woman. Maybe I'm being rash or unwise but I don't think I am. I know there is always the danger of wanting to be a "perfect" man before meeting your woman when really it's working and living with that woman that the Lord uses to, sometimes painfully, mould you into that man. (mandem some of us are on an over spiritualised long ting, myself included).
Anyway I'm rambling. I thought I'd share that because I don't want sisters to be naive about the wickedness of some men's flesh and possibly be more sympathetic to some of our secret struggles. (I do stress the some as I have dons who aren't a savage like I can sometimes be). I also wanted to let any other brothers who are going through anything similar know that they're not alone. Finally I'd like to share it now so that when this savage is slain through the power of the blood of Jesus all will be able to see how God has worked in my life to cleanse me inside and out.
I'd like to end with this final encouragement: Let's not settle for second best as I have often done and even did at times today (Yes I'm talking to myself as well). Paul said to the sinful Corinthian church "are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?". Let's not be just normal/mere men and women, let's not settle for the worlds standards in the areas seen or unseen. Let's be the supermen and super women that God has called us to be!... I think I just rambled my way into another blog lol... Grace and Peace!
For a long time I've struggled with a side of myself which I refer to as the "Savage". I say struggled but the word struggle has an element of resistance to it which, I believe, wasn't exhibited.
To put it bluntly, the Savage is my flesh at it's most lustful/sexually charged. It's uprising began when I allowed it to take root in my thoughts at a younger age and it continued as I left it to grow unchecked. The thing is that, over the years, I've been outwardly ruthless and rarely allowed myself into a situation where I could obviously get myself into trouble i.e. a rave or going to link some unsaved girl etc however on some rare occasions there has been a physical manifestation of the inner beast where "friends" were concerned. Let that be a warning to any naive readers.
The thing is, sin in your mind is still sin and still offensive to God and still obstructive to your relationship with Him, your ability to hear from the Holy Spirit and to generally staying in God's will. It also opens doors for the enemy in your life but that's another blog for another time.
Because I left this unseen area unchecked for such a long time it grew into a giant inside me. I developed habits of unconsciously scoping out my surroundings for females of all colours and creeds. I could get on a bus and know the position, rough age and suitability of every girl on the top and bottom deck and this would be casj (simple/easy/normal/casual). It's a bit like being inside a wildlife documentary following a leopard or something (no exaggeration) except some wildebeest are happy and willing to be consumed.
Sometimes, even in fellowship situations, I have to really check my motives and hold my thoughts captive to Christ after all being blase about this is what led to me being in this situation in the first place.
From the end of last year God has been calling me to a place of surrender and He has really done a lot of renovation in my life. This however, is not an area that has been so easily stripped away. In all honesty killing these bad habits and dying daily in this area has been very difficult. Driving in these hot conditions has been tense at times and not because I couldn't wind down the window lol. I'm aware that in my own strength I won't be able to deal with the issue and I am only "more than a conqueror" through Christ. I think I'll have to spend some more deliberate time in fasting so as to beat it. I'm also aware that I'm never going to stop noticing attractive women and that it's never going to be easy being a man of standard in a sinful and provocative world but I know that there is definitely some self slaying to do in this area.
It's just been a big fat hindrance really. I've felt and still feel that I can't pursue any serious, Godly, relationship with a girl because it's something I'm unwilling to bring into a relationship yet something I've, until recently, been unwilling to deal with. I just want to keep my eyes and mind in check for my Lord and saviour before I do it for a woman. Maybe I'm being rash or unwise but I don't think I am. I know there is always the danger of wanting to be a "perfect" man before meeting your woman when really it's working and living with that woman that the Lord uses to, sometimes painfully, mould you into that man. (mandem some of us are on an over spiritualised long ting, myself included).
Anyway I'm rambling. I thought I'd share that because I don't want sisters to be naive about the wickedness of some men's flesh and possibly be more sympathetic to some of our secret struggles. (I do stress the some as I have dons who aren't a savage like I can sometimes be). I also wanted to let any other brothers who are going through anything similar know that they're not alone. Finally I'd like to share it now so that when this savage is slain through the power of the blood of Jesus all will be able to see how God has worked in my life to cleanse me inside and out.
I'd like to end with this final encouragement: Let's not settle for second best as I have often done and even did at times today (Yes I'm talking to myself as well). Paul said to the sinful Corinthian church "are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?". Let's not be just normal/mere men and women, let's not settle for the worlds standards in the areas seen or unseen. Let's be the supermen and super women that God has called us to be!... I think I just rambled my way into another blog lol... Grace and Peace!
Sunday, 19 June 2011
This Moment
I was sitting in church today and a thought occurred to me. This thought might seem a tad obvious but it is something which is easy to overlook.
The essence of my musings was simply this: we shouldn't waste life constantly looking forward to the next thing/achievement and never enjoying what we have now. Our joy as Christians should not be based on our circumstances but on our relationship with God. In His presence "there is fullness of joy", regardless of whether we are unemployed, studying, in a top job, married, single... You get the gist.
If we choose to be personal with God and take time to savour the moment then there is joy and, no matter how bleak life can be, there is always joy if we are walking in Christ.
Some of us have no reason to not savour the moment and this is where I'm talking to myself as I am guilty of always planning and looking forward to the next thing/milestone. If I were to do this all the time then my life would never have the abundance that God intended for it.
I thought that Matt 6 would be appropriate for this topic:
"do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it's own things." - Jesus
The other element to my musings, which I now realise I didn't tell you existed lol, was about being focused on self all the time. My Pastor spoke about this once and it really came alive for me today.
If we focus upon ourselves then we usually see flaws/areas that need improvement which can lead to our mind being partially or totally consumed by these things. A prime example of this today was when I was ironing my tee this morning. I took a brief moment to look out of the window at the breeze blowing the trees and admire the fact that God created that wind that we can't see. I then noticed myself in the mirror and began thinking of how much work I need to put in at the gym...
-_-
Soo easily distracted by self! It's just that though isn't it? We focus on ourselves, our feelings and our situations so much that we can miss the glory of God on display all around us. I was very content in that moment in front of the window, not so much when I stood in front of the mirror lol.
There is so much more than ourselves to which we can devote our attention. People in need, our walk with God, friends and family etc. The Western, self absorbed, attitude is not healthy and as a people I believe that we would be far more content if we were to simply take some of that emphasis off of ourselves a little more often.
Just thought I'd share those thoughts anyway.
Grace and Peace
The essence of my musings was simply this: we shouldn't waste life constantly looking forward to the next thing/achievement and never enjoying what we have now. Our joy as Christians should not be based on our circumstances but on our relationship with God. In His presence "there is fullness of joy", regardless of whether we are unemployed, studying, in a top job, married, single... You get the gist.
If we choose to be personal with God and take time to savour the moment then there is joy and, no matter how bleak life can be, there is always joy if we are walking in Christ.
Some of us have no reason to not savour the moment and this is where I'm talking to myself as I am guilty of always planning and looking forward to the next thing/milestone. If I were to do this all the time then my life would never have the abundance that God intended for it.
I thought that Matt 6 would be appropriate for this topic:
"do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it's own things." - Jesus
The other element to my musings, which I now realise I didn't tell you existed lol, was about being focused on self all the time. My Pastor spoke about this once and it really came alive for me today.
If we focus upon ourselves then we usually see flaws/areas that need improvement which can lead to our mind being partially or totally consumed by these things. A prime example of this today was when I was ironing my tee this morning. I took a brief moment to look out of the window at the breeze blowing the trees and admire the fact that God created that wind that we can't see. I then noticed myself in the mirror and began thinking of how much work I need to put in at the gym...
-_-
Soo easily distracted by self! It's just that though isn't it? We focus on ourselves, our feelings and our situations so much that we can miss the glory of God on display all around us. I was very content in that moment in front of the window, not so much when I stood in front of the mirror lol.
There is so much more than ourselves to which we can devote our attention. People in need, our walk with God, friends and family etc. The Western, self absorbed, attitude is not healthy and as a people I believe that we would be far more content if we were to simply take some of that emphasis off of ourselves a little more often.
Just thought I'd share those thoughts anyway.
Grace and Peace
Sunday, 3 April 2011
The Call (part 1)
I haven't blogged in a hot minute.
A lot has happened within that very hot minute.
LEGOO (Let's Go)
2011 oh what a year it's been thus far! You know when God has called you to really dig in and you really haven't for whatever reason? You know when God brings this about for you because you're on a long ting and there is work to be done? lol. #YeahThat
I've realllllyyyyy been pondering upon the core of Christianity. The heart of God. The things that really matter in this existence. It's been a mindblowing time. A life changing time. A very serious time and I'd like to share some of that.
First of all, God showed me how unserious I was being. If you read Matthew 7:21 you'll see that not everyone who thinks that they're saved is actually saved and that many are on their way to hell, totally oblivious. In fact the Bible makes it clear that more are deceived than are saved. This is probably the peakest/deepest thing I have ever pondered, yet in the past I have merely acknowledged and skipped over it. But why?
I believe it was because, whether I realised it or not, I was measuring myself against a standard that was not God's standard. You see what God has revealed to me is just how much He is about the heart of man and how much He is about relationship with Himself. God desires a clean heart and pure hands and the the first one leads to the latter. He holds things like forgiveness, judging, anger etc in such a high regard and we (well I) skim over them. When you go to a church where people aren't really that on fire for God and you live in a world full of general lukewarmness it is easy to slip into measuring yourself against these other believers. When you are one of the faithful few, when you are the one with your hands up in worship whilst others are shy, when you are the one that can finish the Bible quotes ("He who finds a wife finds a?.."), when you go to Bible study and the occassional prayer meeting, when you do all of this Christian stuff that other Christians often don't do you can lose focus of the standard and the whole point of why we are here. We are here for the glory of the Lord and to live in relationship with Him. That is why Christ died! In the words of one brother "the dead truth is that this is a life for a life exchange" (Christs for ours).
Anyone can go to church on time, anyone can go to Bible study and take notes, anyone can carry a speaker up some stairs at 9.30am, anyone can lift up their hands in a worship service and sing loudly whilst their mind is elsewhere because they're just singing and not praising cos they're not in a deep relationship with God so their heart is empty, anyone can quote Bible scriptures and call people "Bro" and "Sis" and smile in the presence of all of these generally bubbly people. People from all different religions manage to not have sex outside of marriage, not splash their money on foolishness, not watch secular programmes or listen to secular music etc.
What is the core of this thing? What is the difference between a "good" Atheist, a "good" Muslim and a Christian? Well that is a blog topic by itself lol. But relationship with God is essential. Do we really know Him? In Matthew 7 Jesus says to an unsaved Christian "depart from me, you who work in iniquity for I never knew you". Deep. Can we sit down and argue with eachother about different doctrines and put other people and other churches down because we've labelled them "UnBiblical" meanwhile our own hearts and lives are unbiblical and we don't even realise?!?!?! Can we live lukewarm lives when we are called to be so radically changed and set apart from unbelievers that we are like aliens among them? (It's Biblical).
It's so serious because I've been that guy! "What? Your church believes in tithes and tries to make you feel bad about not giving 10%? Naa that's not Biblical" *proceeds to offend and upset said "Brother" with an unloving spirit and badly disguised judgement/self righteousness*. What the hell is that? It's in the name of Christ but Christ would have nothing to do with it! Yet it's spawned out of hours of Bible study done without the love of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Newsflash! You can read your Bible for hours a day, go to Bible college, study deep theology and not know God and go to hell having told saved believers whose understanding is slightly flawed that they were "dodgy" or not "sound". It's SO serious!
The Bible says to "work out your salvation with fear and trembling". I have truly trembled this year and you know what? I'm really glad that I did. I now know the meaning of that scripture and the seriousness of the need to do it.
We are called to be men and women of God, who walk in relationship with Him. What is the greatest commandment? "To love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all you soul, with all your mind and with all your strength" and the second greatest commandment is like unto it "Love your neighbour as yourself".
Do we really know how deep that is? I don't even think I do to be honest! It's craaazzzyyy. I could have reeled that scripture off to you casually for the last 5 years and only in the last two months have I really actually begun to understand it. Love God. It's a command. It's not optional. It's the greatest command. The Lord God almighty desires relationship with us and look at what He did to achieve that!
The most important thing is not to carry speakers early in the morning, or hand out tracts, or delete all of your secular music or dress modestly or any of that stuff. When we truly seek God and enter into relationship with Him these things iron themselves out of their own accord because we have spent time in the presence of God and cannot casually delve back into that stuff that is in the "grey area". When we love God and seek Him we don't want to cling to them anymore.
Sins that I have struggled with and mental idols that I have clung onto for years have been smashed and cast down, some almost over night because my heart was for God and my desire was relationship with Him. To know Him and to glorify His name. God has used me more in the start of 2011 then he did in the whole of 2010 because I have gone to a new level of surrender (another blog topic) and because I have sought to know Him and been in tune with Him and the Holy Spirit.
My whole thought life has been transformed as has my prayer life. It's so easy to be sucked into things that are not necessarily bad but at the same time are not condusive to the glory of God i.e. work, college, uni, relationships, clothes, school, social networking, cars etc. These things easily consume our mind but it is actually beautiful to just walk down the street and talk to God and feel His presence and know that He is with you and smile while all of this meaningless chaos goes on around you.
It's actually beautiful.
I think I have too much to say lol. I'll leave it there. It's been broken, abrupt and the opposite of eloquent but it's my life, it's my walk with God and it's me growing, ranting and learning.
God Bless you and may you work out your salvation!
A lot has happened within that very hot minute.
LEGOO (Let's Go)
2011 oh what a year it's been thus far! You know when God has called you to really dig in and you really haven't for whatever reason? You know when God brings this about for you because you're on a long ting and there is work to be done? lol. #YeahThat
I've realllllyyyyy been pondering upon the core of Christianity. The heart of God. The things that really matter in this existence. It's been a mindblowing time. A life changing time. A very serious time and I'd like to share some of that.
First of all, God showed me how unserious I was being. If you read Matthew 7:21 you'll see that not everyone who thinks that they're saved is actually saved and that many are on their way to hell, totally oblivious. In fact the Bible makes it clear that more are deceived than are saved. This is probably the peakest/deepest thing I have ever pondered, yet in the past I have merely acknowledged and skipped over it. But why?
I believe it was because, whether I realised it or not, I was measuring myself against a standard that was not God's standard. You see what God has revealed to me is just how much He is about the heart of man and how much He is about relationship with Himself. God desires a clean heart and pure hands and the the first one leads to the latter. He holds things like forgiveness, judging, anger etc in such a high regard and we (well I) skim over them. When you go to a church where people aren't really that on fire for God and you live in a world full of general lukewarmness it is easy to slip into measuring yourself against these other believers. When you are one of the faithful few, when you are the one with your hands up in worship whilst others are shy, when you are the one that can finish the Bible quotes ("He who finds a wife finds a?.."), when you go to Bible study and the occassional prayer meeting, when you do all of this Christian stuff that other Christians often don't do you can lose focus of the standard and the whole point of why we are here. We are here for the glory of the Lord and to live in relationship with Him. That is why Christ died! In the words of one brother "the dead truth is that this is a life for a life exchange" (Christs for ours).
Anyone can go to church on time, anyone can go to Bible study and take notes, anyone can carry a speaker up some stairs at 9.30am, anyone can lift up their hands in a worship service and sing loudly whilst their mind is elsewhere because they're just singing and not praising cos they're not in a deep relationship with God so their heart is empty, anyone can quote Bible scriptures and call people "Bro" and "Sis" and smile in the presence of all of these generally bubbly people. People from all different religions manage to not have sex outside of marriage, not splash their money on foolishness, not watch secular programmes or listen to secular music etc.
What is the core of this thing? What is the difference between a "good" Atheist, a "good" Muslim and a Christian? Well that is a blog topic by itself lol. But relationship with God is essential. Do we really know Him? In Matthew 7 Jesus says to an unsaved Christian "depart from me, you who work in iniquity for I never knew you". Deep. Can we sit down and argue with eachother about different doctrines and put other people and other churches down because we've labelled them "UnBiblical" meanwhile our own hearts and lives are unbiblical and we don't even realise?!?!?! Can we live lukewarm lives when we are called to be so radically changed and set apart from unbelievers that we are like aliens among them? (It's Biblical).
It's so serious because I've been that guy! "What? Your church believes in tithes and tries to make you feel bad about not giving 10%? Naa that's not Biblical" *proceeds to offend and upset said "Brother" with an unloving spirit and badly disguised judgement/self righteousness*. What the hell is that? It's in the name of Christ but Christ would have nothing to do with it! Yet it's spawned out of hours of Bible study done without the love of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Newsflash! You can read your Bible for hours a day, go to Bible college, study deep theology and not know God and go to hell having told saved believers whose understanding is slightly flawed that they were "dodgy" or not "sound". It's SO serious!
The Bible says to "work out your salvation with fear and trembling". I have truly trembled this year and you know what? I'm really glad that I did. I now know the meaning of that scripture and the seriousness of the need to do it.
We are called to be men and women of God, who walk in relationship with Him. What is the greatest commandment? "To love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all you soul, with all your mind and with all your strength" and the second greatest commandment is like unto it "Love your neighbour as yourself".
Do we really know how deep that is? I don't even think I do to be honest! It's craaazzzyyy. I could have reeled that scripture off to you casually for the last 5 years and only in the last two months have I really actually begun to understand it. Love God. It's a command. It's not optional. It's the greatest command. The Lord God almighty desires relationship with us and look at what He did to achieve that!
The most important thing is not to carry speakers early in the morning, or hand out tracts, or delete all of your secular music or dress modestly or any of that stuff. When we truly seek God and enter into relationship with Him these things iron themselves out of their own accord because we have spent time in the presence of God and cannot casually delve back into that stuff that is in the "grey area". When we love God and seek Him we don't want to cling to them anymore.
Sins that I have struggled with and mental idols that I have clung onto for years have been smashed and cast down, some almost over night because my heart was for God and my desire was relationship with Him. To know Him and to glorify His name. God has used me more in the start of 2011 then he did in the whole of 2010 because I have gone to a new level of surrender (another blog topic) and because I have sought to know Him and been in tune with Him and the Holy Spirit.
My whole thought life has been transformed as has my prayer life. It's so easy to be sucked into things that are not necessarily bad but at the same time are not condusive to the glory of God i.e. work, college, uni, relationships, clothes, school, social networking, cars etc. These things easily consume our mind but it is actually beautiful to just walk down the street and talk to God and feel His presence and know that He is with you and smile while all of this meaningless chaos goes on around you.
It's actually beautiful.
I think I have too much to say lol. I'll leave it there. It's been broken, abrupt and the opposite of eloquent but it's my life, it's my walk with God and it's me growing, ranting and learning.
God Bless you and may you work out your salvation!
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Excellence
There was a time when I was really big on excellence. It's something that my Pastor talks about a lot you see and it's an attitude/way of life that is totally necessary if we are ever going to reflect Christ in our lives.
For any reading this who may be less versed in church speak.
Excellence / a spirit of excellence is a term for doing things to the best of ones ability and "going the extra mile".
I was first confronted by God's desire for me to manifest excellence in my life when I began working and I would attempt to cut corners, only to experience, erm, I suppose a sense of wrong doing in not doing things to the best of my ability as I would if, say, the area manager was watching me. An example was when I was in the stock room and there wern't many orders so I would be on the phone, reading the paper, drinking hot chocolate, revising for A-levels etc. The Lord convicted me anyway and I started finding work related things to do, even though nobody would see, but God sees init! As a brudda from work put it, "we don't need no (work) supervisor, we've always got a (eternal) supervisor". One of my workmates did notice though :).
So this attitude then began to spread throughout much of my life and I'm not gonna lie, it jarred my flesh quite a bit lol. I couldn't leave dishes to "soak" any more, no more 95% doing things, I had to be on time to Church and not 5,10,35 etc minutes late. The list goes on.
Recently, I feel that I've let this slip in some areas, specifically punctuality in regards to university. Getting out of bed for 9am lectures has never been such a struggle as in 2011. I've missed soo many lectures and I've been late to even more and it's not cool. It began when I believed I wouldn't be continuing my studies in Jan 2011 and so I became lax from then. This was clearly the enemy (crafty bugger) and now I'm in a war to get my excellence game back on!
I've been losing the war so far, I won't lie.
Time to get the big guns out! Time to become accountable!
But to whom?
For any reading this who may be less versed in church speak.
Excellence / a spirit of excellence is a term for doing things to the best of ones ability and "going the extra mile".
I was first confronted by God's desire for me to manifest excellence in my life when I began working and I would attempt to cut corners, only to experience, erm, I suppose a sense of wrong doing in not doing things to the best of my ability as I would if, say, the area manager was watching me. An example was when I was in the stock room and there wern't many orders so I would be on the phone, reading the paper, drinking hot chocolate, revising for A-levels etc. The Lord convicted me anyway and I started finding work related things to do, even though nobody would see, but God sees init! As a brudda from work put it, "we don't need no (work) supervisor, we've always got a (eternal) supervisor". One of my workmates did notice though :).
So this attitude then began to spread throughout much of my life and I'm not gonna lie, it jarred my flesh quite a bit lol. I couldn't leave dishes to "soak" any more, no more 95% doing things, I had to be on time to Church and not 5,10,35 etc minutes late. The list goes on.
Recently, I feel that I've let this slip in some areas, specifically punctuality in regards to university. Getting out of bed for 9am lectures has never been such a struggle as in 2011. I've missed soo many lectures and I've been late to even more and it's not cool. It began when I believed I wouldn't be continuing my studies in Jan 2011 and so I became lax from then. This was clearly the enemy (crafty bugger) and now I'm in a war to get my excellence game back on!
I've been losing the war so far, I won't lie.
Time to get the big guns out! Time to become accountable!
But to whom?
Thursday, 10 February 2011
Provision
I was at work after the shop had shut, just tidying up and stuff, as you do, when a God conversation suddenly broke out!
To say that I'm rusty in this area (of evangelism) is an understatement. It's quite sad actually. Lately however, I've been really inspired by God to go after the lost but in my head this takes the form of street and youth orientated evangelism. He did teach me (or re teach me) a valuable lesson about sharing the truth with others yesterday though.
What happened was, I was on the till and I had been making insinuations to my manager that she should come to church, having been inspired by another younger guy that works with me who invited her and told her it would change her life. This led to a full blown conversation with the usual spiritually blind questions and comments. "do you read the Bible every day then?", "do you pray every day as well?", "why does bad stuff happen to good people then? cos I'm a good person" and so on and so forth.
In all honesty I didn't have instant amazing answers for them, although I've been through all of this stuff before however I did manage to convey some understanding to them by God's grace lol.
You see the Lord dropped it into my spirit that there is a ripe harvest of lost and broken people who need Christ all around me and that evangelism need not begin with strangers on the street. I need not be intimidated by my own massive vision (if that makes any sense at all?) but must grow in Him and be faithful with little before I am faithful with much. I'm just really encouraged though, cos God kinda made the opportunity for me and now I'm gonna zone in an go back to work ready! Girded loins and all!(that's ready for action for those who are less fluent in Bible speak).
But there's more! When I was at home, Sarah contacted me and told me that a note I posted on Facebook ages ago, about the validity of the Bible, had been used in her Bible study to encourage and equip the bretheren. Material like that note being the very same stuff that I need to bring to the guys at work. God's provision is too nuts. Man said (hood term), what I needed was already on my own Facebook, plagiarised by my own hands! God's provision is too nuts and I'm amped at the prospect of people's broken, dreary, sad lives being transformed, renewed and filled with contentment!
Jehovah Jireh for real, and that's not just when the mortgage needs paying!
(Jehovah Jireh means the Lord who provides or the Lord our provider)
To say that I'm rusty in this area (of evangelism) is an understatement. It's quite sad actually. Lately however, I've been really inspired by God to go after the lost but in my head this takes the form of street and youth orientated evangelism. He did teach me (or re teach me) a valuable lesson about sharing the truth with others yesterday though.
What happened was, I was on the till and I had been making insinuations to my manager that she should come to church, having been inspired by another younger guy that works with me who invited her and told her it would change her life. This led to a full blown conversation with the usual spiritually blind questions and comments. "do you read the Bible every day then?", "do you pray every day as well?", "why does bad stuff happen to good people then? cos I'm a good person" and so on and so forth.
In all honesty I didn't have instant amazing answers for them, although I've been through all of this stuff before however I did manage to convey some understanding to them by God's grace lol.
You see the Lord dropped it into my spirit that there is a ripe harvest of lost and broken people who need Christ all around me and that evangelism need not begin with strangers on the street. I need not be intimidated by my own massive vision (if that makes any sense at all?) but must grow in Him and be faithful with little before I am faithful with much. I'm just really encouraged though, cos God kinda made the opportunity for me and now I'm gonna zone in an go back to work ready! Girded loins and all!(that's ready for action for those who are less fluent in Bible speak).
But there's more! When I was at home, Sarah contacted me and told me that a note I posted on Facebook ages ago, about the validity of the Bible, had been used in her Bible study to encourage and equip the bretheren. Material like that note being the very same stuff that I need to bring to the guys at work. God's provision is too nuts. Man said (hood term), what I needed was already on my own Facebook, plagiarised by my own hands! God's provision is too nuts and I'm amped at the prospect of people's broken, dreary, sad lives being transformed, renewed and filled with contentment!
Jehovah Jireh for real, and that's not just when the mortgage needs paying!
(Jehovah Jireh means the Lord who provides or the Lord our provider)
Friday, 4 February 2011
Discernment
God is faithful you know! Like "dem way dere" when sometimes you pray a casual prayer and then forget about it? Or even a serious one? Well God answered that prayer. It's nuts when you pray something soo in line with God's will that He's just like, "about time!", then BOOM the situation changes on ya!
Well my prayer was for discernment cos basically I believe that a lack of wisdom, ruthlessness and discernment can often lead to the downfall of a young Christian. I myself was quite ineffective for a while last year because I didn't discern the enemy's clever movements in my own life.
Let me take this opportunity to point out something that was revealed to me. Satan has been here trying to destroy us from Genesis so that's like 6000+ years and we, well... I, have been here for 20 years. Clearly he's got a head start on us and he knows exactly what he's doing ya dig? So we need a supernatural advantage if we are going to survive in this game of life and not just survive but run this race well and go to WAR! (more about war in the coming blogs)
So yeah, anyway, God answered my prayer nicely, just like when I prayed for wisdom when I was younger! For instance last Sunday we had a powerful service! It was beautiful, bare grown men crying at the front and that! Then afterwards there was some confusion as to which teams were meant to be doing what in regards to packing everything away the way that we found it (we rent a school hall you see). Basically some people left early without doing some stuff and it was left to others who weren't meant to be doing it and you can see how an argument was brewing between team leaders and members... *Sigh*
So then the Lord just showed me that the enemy was trying it after such a great service and I just let one of the leaders know and he was like "its true you know bro, thanks" and we all continued in one accord! *big grin*
That's just one example though, I've actually noticed this increased discernment like every single day lol. God is good man!
So erm yeah, discernment. It's great! Pray for it! Use it! Don't get taken out! Grace and Peace!
Well my prayer was for discernment cos basically I believe that a lack of wisdom, ruthlessness and discernment can often lead to the downfall of a young Christian. I myself was quite ineffective for a while last year because I didn't discern the enemy's clever movements in my own life.
Let me take this opportunity to point out something that was revealed to me. Satan has been here trying to destroy us from Genesis so that's like 6000+ years and we, well... I, have been here for 20 years. Clearly he's got a head start on us and he knows exactly what he's doing ya dig? So we need a supernatural advantage if we are going to survive in this game of life and not just survive but run this race well and go to WAR! (more about war in the coming blogs)
So yeah, anyway, God answered my prayer nicely, just like when I prayed for wisdom when I was younger! For instance last Sunday we had a powerful service! It was beautiful, bare grown men crying at the front and that! Then afterwards there was some confusion as to which teams were meant to be doing what in regards to packing everything away the way that we found it (we rent a school hall you see). Basically some people left early without doing some stuff and it was left to others who weren't meant to be doing it and you can see how an argument was brewing between team leaders and members... *Sigh*
So then the Lord just showed me that the enemy was trying it after such a great service and I just let one of the leaders know and he was like "its true you know bro, thanks" and we all continued in one accord! *big grin*
That's just one example though, I've actually noticed this increased discernment like every single day lol. God is good man!
So erm yeah, discernment. It's great! Pray for it! Use it! Don't get taken out! Grace and Peace!
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
A Hungry Man...
I don't know what's come over me! I used to be hungry all of the time and then my hunger slowly faded to bearable but of late I've become ravenously hungry. No seriously! On a daily basis I suddenly become so hungry that I'm actually upset or even angry at times.
This new piercing hunger has led to me doing things which i consider morally wrong, like eating McDonald's. :(. There is a two sided story to food for me though. You see eating food makes me happy, really happy. Like, if I'm having the crappiest day I will just go to the Yard shop (Jamaican) and get some stewed chicken with rice and peas or ackee and saltfish with fried dumplings and it's like the sun suddenly shines on me lol. Or if I'm having a great day then it just makes my day even greater! (Currently have a big grin on my face just thinking about it)
So suddenly, the thought popped into my head... "what if my wife can't cook?". :o :o :o
It was a distressing moment for me I must say! You see my mum can cook and I'm used to a certain standard of cooking and not that I would expect my wife to cook every day but... well need I say more?
I plan to learn how to cook this year cos I can't really expect my wife to cook and me just chillax, although that's what my mum does now lol. #sigh
A hungry man is an angry man they say, but I suppose if she wanted to make me happy then she'd be able to deal with that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky5Mt2PLf9E
This new piercing hunger has led to me doing things which i consider morally wrong, like eating McDonald's. :(. There is a two sided story to food for me though. You see eating food makes me happy, really happy. Like, if I'm having the crappiest day I will just go to the Yard shop (Jamaican) and get some stewed chicken with rice and peas or ackee and saltfish with fried dumplings and it's like the sun suddenly shines on me lol. Or if I'm having a great day then it just makes my day even greater! (Currently have a big grin on my face just thinking about it)
So suddenly, the thought popped into my head... "what if my wife can't cook?". :o :o :o
It was a distressing moment for me I must say! You see my mum can cook and I'm used to a certain standard of cooking and not that I would expect my wife to cook every day but... well need I say more?
I plan to learn how to cook this year cos I can't really expect my wife to cook and me just chillax, although that's what my mum does now lol. #sigh
A hungry man is an angry man they say, but I suppose if she wanted to make me happy then she'd be able to deal with that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky5Mt2PLf9E
Monday, 31 January 2011
Simple Complexity
Sometimes I would just love to know what God is doing lol. If you're a believer who can't relate then just give it a while ;)
Earlier I kind of said to God "you've got plans for me, so like what are they?". He reminded me that "I know the plans I have for you, not you know the plans I have for you" LOL God's got a sense of humour you know! Basically, on Friday I was told, by one of the lecturers, that I might be able to finish half of Business Computing this year and do the other half next year and then go back full time for the last two years as opposed to dropping out and starting again next year from scratch on the correct course. Sound's good doesn't it? Well today I checked and it's not possible lol *sigh*. However, I am now told that I can do Business Computing in the second and third years and just finish this year as a computing programme instead of Computer Science... So I must choose between interrupting my studies and taking a year longer to complete my degree or doing INCREDIBLE amounts of work to catch up as I've been skipping lectures and coursework for months believing that I would have to do them again. There's a lesson there, do everything with excellence, no matter if it seems pointless or if anyone is there to see your excellence just do it unto God.
The wickedest ting is that the Lord was slyly telling me to be diligent and roll out of bed, even though it seemed as if I didn't have to, but I just played it down and tried to ignore it / act as if it wasn't so. I can be a bit of a mug sometimes. *BBM hand over face emote*
Anyway I'm unsure of what to do at this stage but it will all work out in the end no doubt. God's will be done man! I'd love to do some ministerial type things and go and visit a few of my Uni dons as well as get a car and stuff but as my brother once said to me "Jon, there's a good idea and then there's a God idea".
Ahh the simple complexity of this mortal life...
Earlier I kind of said to God "you've got plans for me, so like what are they?". He reminded me that "I know the plans I have for you, not you know the plans I have for you" LOL God's got a sense of humour you know! Basically, on Friday I was told, by one of the lecturers, that I might be able to finish half of Business Computing this year and do the other half next year and then go back full time for the last two years as opposed to dropping out and starting again next year from scratch on the correct course. Sound's good doesn't it? Well today I checked and it's not possible lol *sigh*. However, I am now told that I can do Business Computing in the second and third years and just finish this year as a computing programme instead of Computer Science... So I must choose between interrupting my studies and taking a year longer to complete my degree or doing INCREDIBLE amounts of work to catch up as I've been skipping lectures and coursework for months believing that I would have to do them again. There's a lesson there, do everything with excellence, no matter if it seems pointless or if anyone is there to see your excellence just do it unto God.
The wickedest ting is that the Lord was slyly telling me to be diligent and roll out of bed, even though it seemed as if I didn't have to, but I just played it down and tried to ignore it / act as if it wasn't so. I can be a bit of a mug sometimes. *BBM hand over face emote*
Anyway I'm unsure of what to do at this stage but it will all work out in the end no doubt. God's will be done man! I'd love to do some ministerial type things and go and visit a few of my Uni dons as well as get a car and stuff but as my brother once said to me "Jon, there's a good idea and then there's a God idea".
Ahh the simple complexity of this mortal life...
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
January
Janvier... (January)
This month has been one of, well..., growing, ranting and learning lol.
Even today at work I was ranting in the staff room because someone left two dirty extension leads in the cupboard... THE cup-board. Rant over.
Aside from such trivial grievances, I've often lacked direction this month especially in the physical. The funny thing is, the whole time my pastor has been talking about planning, writing down your vision and making it plain etc and I heard him but didn't actually listen.
So now I've been endeavouring to apply this to myself. Getting pictures of the things I'm trying to achieve/attain to help myself get on the wave/frequency of those things. Making broad plans for the year and praying for God's guidance in the making and implementing of such goals. I'm slightly wary as throughout my life the Lord has taken me in completely different directions from those that I planned to travel in and without God's backing well...
I might be officially leaving Uni tomorrow. I spoke to my personal tutor about it on Tuesday and I've got one more meeting tomorrow then I believe I'm free to interrupt my studies until next year. Need to talk to student finance, *prays* "Dad please don't let them take my loan awaaaayyyyy" Lol I ain't tryna make no repayments either but we'll see what they're saying.
Sarah told me that I should join Twitter "cos it's like soo just beautiful and you should just really join" so I took her advice which was definitely a good move. Twitter is actually a brilliant invention if used well. I've been so encouraged by the tweets of my brothers and sisters and I've just been on the bus laughing at some of the tweets which often have me in stitches. I've also discovered that if you follow the wrong people due to this jarring #TeamFollowBack wave then once beautiful feeds can be corrupted. Might have to unfollow some of my unsaved bredrins #real talk. Oh yeah I put #overemphasisedstatements like that one in most things I type nowadays lol.
In other news:
- My roller skates arrived today :)
- GuvnaB's mixtape exists and has some decent tunes as does Serene's and Ejiro's
- I'm currently considering/praying about jumping back on music
- I'm still trying to scoop a new job :(
- I prayed with a couple dons from church about discernment over Satans attempts to destroy our fire and God has blessed me with an additional portion of discernment. Halleleujah :) ain't tryna get punked no mo'!
Of late I've been extremely encouraged in general and really loving the freedom of being that can only be experienced through walking in the spirit and focusing on God. I will now endeavour to deepen my relationship with God cos that's what life and eternity and my existence is largely about. I've been pondering about the lack of application of the heart of God's word amongst believers today for quite a while (what a mouthful). Enough pondering man! Time to just commit to something, to do something, to help someone, to glorify the name of the Lord somehow!
#Talkischeap lol
P.S @jonoyoungmann <<< Follow me <;)
@sfoyeah @brotherayo @CallMeJendella @FayetteTweets @JakeyIsaac << Them too they'll bless your life.
Tuesday, 18 January 2011
Your love is extravagant
If you've bothered to read any of my previous blogs, you'd know that the last few months haven't exactly been plain sailing for me spiritually. In fact the seas have been choppy at times and serene at others.
Of late I've been trying to press into God and reclaim the spiritual highs and victories that I had in the latter parts of 2010. In all honesty it's been a struggle. A lot of the serious guys haven't been available for fellowship due to Uni, work, girlfriends etc and I honestly believe that although fellowship is beautiful and necessary, I should be able to seek God when I need to; without having to ring a brother or sister all of the time. Especially if I am to be some kind of leader in the future!
The Lord answered my prayers on this subject in the most interesting of ways. I went to get a new phone with my cousin (Thanks Debs ;) ) and ended up staying at his house. The next day they happened to be fasting as their whole church had been called to fast. I decided to partake in this fast as I felt the Lord had brought me here for more then I had anticipated.
WOW! I completely forgot about fasting. Like I mean the word had left my vocabulary until yesterday. It's been a beautiful time of fellowship with my family (I'm privileged to have Christian family) but even more beautiful time reconnecting with the Lord and having him comfort and speak to me. Jheeez!
He spoke to me regarding the knowledge and understanding which He has blessed me with and how I haven't combined it with love. He showed me that all of the things that I would like too see achieved in the church and in my own life can be achieved with the greatest commandments. Loving God and loving others.
Love is a powerful thing if displayed honestly and truthfully because displaying love is displaying God.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3NP1nXSOT4
Of late I've been trying to press into God and reclaim the spiritual highs and victories that I had in the latter parts of 2010. In all honesty it's been a struggle. A lot of the serious guys haven't been available for fellowship due to Uni, work, girlfriends etc and I honestly believe that although fellowship is beautiful and necessary, I should be able to seek God when I need to; without having to ring a brother or sister all of the time. Especially if I am to be some kind of leader in the future!
The Lord answered my prayers on this subject in the most interesting of ways. I went to get a new phone with my cousin (Thanks Debs ;) ) and ended up staying at his house. The next day they happened to be fasting as their whole church had been called to fast. I decided to partake in this fast as I felt the Lord had brought me here for more then I had anticipated.
WOW! I completely forgot about fasting. Like I mean the word had left my vocabulary until yesterday. It's been a beautiful time of fellowship with my family (I'm privileged to have Christian family) but even more beautiful time reconnecting with the Lord and having him comfort and speak to me. Jheeez!
He spoke to me regarding the knowledge and understanding which He has blessed me with and how I haven't combined it with love. He showed me that all of the things that I would like too see achieved in the church and in my own life can be achieved with the greatest commandments. Loving God and loving others.
Love is a powerful thing if displayed honestly and truthfully because displaying love is displaying God.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3NP1nXSOT4
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Swirling
So a lot of thoughts are swirling around my head.
Let me explain.
When I was in school there was one boy who was in my class. The boy was semi road and I brought him to church a couple of times. Long story short, he went pen (prison) and I didn't see him for ages.
I saw him around the ends now and then as I got older and now I haven't seen him in years. The yout (young male) then added me on facebook the other day and he's clearly gone 100% road. The yout also knows where I live. Soo I am embarrassed to admit that, using my fleshly/hood mind, I decided it was wiser not to accept his friend request in case he was looking to "try a ting".
So... I ignored his request and left it for months. He re-requested again today and having been to church and convicted etc I just decided to accept.
Turns out he's in prison and asks for me to pray for him...
So here I am. Jon with dreams of helping out in the hood and being real, relevant and reflecting Christ in my community, and yet up until that moment when I accepted his friend request I was a total hypocrite. I now feel quite waste I must say.
The thing is I really would like to be all that I said above but I've got a lot to learn. However, I suffer from over deliberation and mass inaction across practically all areas of my life except when it comes to criticising people or making jokes :s .
LORD please help me to be the man that you want me to be, please help me to walk in your truth and not be a hypocrite, please help me to change people's lives and not just be a Christian who goes to church and doesn't rave, doesn't swear, doesn't smoke and doesn't do anything that matters really. In Jesus' name. Amen.
I started off saying that a lot of thoughts (plural) are swirling around my head... and they are that's just one of em'. I'll share the rest another time; God willing. Keep me in prayer if you've bothered to read this lol I'm 20 now, old-er but still young and in need of Grace.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v17BcjVeQ_g << listen to it.
Let me explain.
When I was in school there was one boy who was in my class. The boy was semi road and I brought him to church a couple of times. Long story short, he went pen (prison) and I didn't see him for ages.
I saw him around the ends now and then as I got older and now I haven't seen him in years. The yout (young male) then added me on facebook the other day and he's clearly gone 100% road. The yout also knows where I live. Soo I am embarrassed to admit that, using my fleshly/hood mind, I decided it was wiser not to accept his friend request in case he was looking to "try a ting".
So... I ignored his request and left it for months. He re-requested again today and having been to church and convicted etc I just decided to accept.
Turns out he's in prison and asks for me to pray for him...
So here I am. Jon with dreams of helping out in the hood and being real, relevant and reflecting Christ in my community, and yet up until that moment when I accepted his friend request I was a total hypocrite. I now feel quite waste I must say.
The thing is I really would like to be all that I said above but I've got a lot to learn. However, I suffer from over deliberation and mass inaction across practically all areas of my life except when it comes to criticising people or making jokes :s .
LORD please help me to be the man that you want me to be, please help me to walk in your truth and not be a hypocrite, please help me to change people's lives and not just be a Christian who goes to church and doesn't rave, doesn't swear, doesn't smoke and doesn't do anything that matters really. In Jesus' name. Amen.
I started off saying that a lot of thoughts (plural) are swirling around my head... and they are that's just one of em'. I'll share the rest another time; God willing. Keep me in prayer if you've bothered to read this lol I'm 20 now, old-er but still young and in need of Grace.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v17BcjVeQ_g << listen to it.
Monday, 3 January 2011
I need you now
It's been a little while.
First post, of the second decade, of the 21st century!
Boi... It's been a rough few weeks for no particularly momentous reason actually.
In hindsight I can see that my walk with God has been slowly declining from the peaks that it reached in the latter part of 2010. The fire slowly burnt out and stagnation set in and whilst in a general, cliched sense, I haven't backslidden, I suppose that I kind of have.
I think I should explain that statement a little better lol.
Cliched or Bait backsliding:
Wild/regular raving, Drunkenness, Sexual sin, Drug taking / Smoking, Crude/Bad/Profane language, Decline in Church attendance and so on.
My conduct of late wouldn't fit into the above, however, I have been more absorbed with the things of the world and my thoughts have become a lot darker and more sinful of late whilst my relationship with God has waned.
It's kinda weird cos I seemed to just find myself in this situation and it took me a while to discern over where I had gone wrong. I now understand that the enemy has been crafty in his latest assault on my life. Life suddenly became hectic with Uni work piling up, issues arose at work with my manager, a tough financial situation in my family began to effect me, someone at church angered me and so on and so forth. No obvious light skinned devils came to tempt me, no sudden urge to hit "naughty but nice" or whatever the latest rave is called lol just a whole lot of life!
So I began to lose focus on God and instead focus on the worldly/material which has ultimately caused me to get to the place I've been in since 30th Dec 2010 to Today (3rd January 2011). I feel like I've spiritually ate a whole bargain bucket of moreleys chicken and chips to myself. It has been quite horrible come to think of it, feeding the flesh and making little to no effort in the spirit. My prayer life has been a mess, when I have read the word I didn't truly pay attention to it, fellowship's dropped off and so on.
Today I kinda reached the end of my tether.
I watched a shed load of One Piece with no self control, and I just generally jammed on my one's doing nothing of any great worth like a bum! There came a point where I just thought, "this can't go on". I had to turn on some gospel music real quick and when Smokie Norful's "I need you now" came on it was like a breath of fresh air. I realised, actually, yeah Lord I do need you now, and I needed you before and I always will need you! So I chucked myself onto my bed and layed face down before the Lord and poured out my heart and my struggles before him and it was great! I felt so relieved. He spoke to me and showed me a some of where I had gone wrong, encouraged me that He knew that I needed Him, He just needed me to know that lol or re-know that (making up words here).
Now I feel MUCH better and my head is in a better place. I was reflecting, a few moments ago, on how, not long ago, I was in a victorious place where I felt no fear of my uncertain future and now, as I enter into it, I've been confused and unsure. The difference? I haven't been walking in the spirit, but feeding the flesh, focused on worldly things and in this state I've been unable to trust God and live in His peace.
Now that I'm on my way back to the Lord I can see with fresh eyes how beautiful this walk with God is and how ugly life can be when idols come in and He is no longer the desire of our hearts.
So, now officially ready for 2011 seeing as I know, once more, the most important thing anyone can ever know. That I need Jesus!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDpY-2M5dVo
First post, of the second decade, of the 21st century!
Boi... It's been a rough few weeks for no particularly momentous reason actually.
In hindsight I can see that my walk with God has been slowly declining from the peaks that it reached in the latter part of 2010. The fire slowly burnt out and stagnation set in and whilst in a general, cliched sense, I haven't backslidden, I suppose that I kind of have.
I think I should explain that statement a little better lol.
Cliched or Bait backsliding:
Wild/regular raving, Drunkenness, Sexual sin, Drug taking / Smoking, Crude/Bad/Profane language, Decline in Church attendance and so on.
My conduct of late wouldn't fit into the above, however, I have been more absorbed with the things of the world and my thoughts have become a lot darker and more sinful of late whilst my relationship with God has waned.
It's kinda weird cos I seemed to just find myself in this situation and it took me a while to discern over where I had gone wrong. I now understand that the enemy has been crafty in his latest assault on my life. Life suddenly became hectic with Uni work piling up, issues arose at work with my manager, a tough financial situation in my family began to effect me, someone at church angered me and so on and so forth. No obvious light skinned devils came to tempt me, no sudden urge to hit "naughty but nice" or whatever the latest rave is called lol just a whole lot of life!
So I began to lose focus on God and instead focus on the worldly/material which has ultimately caused me to get to the place I've been in since 30th Dec 2010 to Today (3rd January 2011). I feel like I've spiritually ate a whole bargain bucket of moreleys chicken and chips to myself. It has been quite horrible come to think of it, feeding the flesh and making little to no effort in the spirit. My prayer life has been a mess, when I have read the word I didn't truly pay attention to it, fellowship's dropped off and so on.
Today I kinda reached the end of my tether.
I watched a shed load of One Piece with no self control, and I just generally jammed on my one's doing nothing of any great worth like a bum! There came a point where I just thought, "this can't go on". I had to turn on some gospel music real quick and when Smokie Norful's "I need you now" came on it was like a breath of fresh air. I realised, actually, yeah Lord I do need you now, and I needed you before and I always will need you! So I chucked myself onto my bed and layed face down before the Lord and poured out my heart and my struggles before him and it was great! I felt so relieved. He spoke to me and showed me a some of where I had gone wrong, encouraged me that He knew that I needed Him, He just needed me to know that lol or re-know that (making up words here).
Now I feel MUCH better and my head is in a better place. I was reflecting, a few moments ago, on how, not long ago, I was in a victorious place where I felt no fear of my uncertain future and now, as I enter into it, I've been confused and unsure. The difference? I haven't been walking in the spirit, but feeding the flesh, focused on worldly things and in this state I've been unable to trust God and live in His peace.
Now that I'm on my way back to the Lord I can see with fresh eyes how beautiful this walk with God is and how ugly life can be when idols come in and He is no longer the desire of our hearts.
So, now officially ready for 2011 seeing as I know, once more, the most important thing anyone can ever know. That I need Jesus!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDpY-2M5dVo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)